Next Recruit: Breaker of Fourth Walls, Slayer of Scripts, the One and Only...

It was long after he had defeated Mr Sinister on that weird floating island.

Business was slow.

Besides- with the coronavirus I am supposed to stay right at home.

(Sure! Who knows what diseases you can spread living with that bathroom...)




I heard that!

Anyway- Deadpool was not doing anything when the portal opened up in his living room...

Being no stranger to teleporting mutants and time travellers, Deadpool calmly greeted the Author and apologised for not getting up. The Author was no stranger to Deadpool either and said "no worries."

"So-" Deadpool asked after having gotten the full introduction. "What about my story do you need to fix?"

"Oh no no no..." the Author laughed. "Your story does not need fixing at all. I want you to help me fix some stories out there..."

"You know my rates, right?" Deadpool asked just to remind the Author that he is still a mercenary.

"Ummm... no..." the Author replied. "But- I know money will not be a problem..."

Deadpool gave him a foul look. People saying that money would not be a problem either tried to spin you a yarn about a fuckload of money waiting at the other end of a fuckload of work that you first had to do or they intended to kill you before it was time for you to get paid...

"I take payment upfront..." he said in as cold a tone as he could manage.

"Check you bank account." the Author said with a serene smile.

"Come again...? Deadpool asked.

"Check your bank account." The Author said again.

Deadpool got out of the couch and went for the front door. "You better not have made me get up for nothing..." he groaned...

Halfway out the door Deadpool realised that the Author was not following him.

"Are you coming or what?!" he yelled. "The queue at the bank is already bad enough! I want to be back in time for Dr Ken!"

"Do you want to tell me that you have a computer with internet only to watch porn?" the Author asked in mock amazement.

"Oh!" Deadpool said and gave himself the mother of all facepalms...

"Yeah! Of course..."

Deadpool did have internet banking- long ago. With all that has happened in his busy life, however, he forgot his password and he just never bothered to get it reset.

The Author was ahead of him.

"Here. Check on your new phone."

He handed Deadpool a smartphone from his pocket. The Author gave himself the ability to open portals in other realities. One of his other abilities- which he rarely used, because it could seriously spoil any good story, is his ability to always have at hand what is needed.

In this case- what was needed was:

- a new phone that had unlimited free internet because it had software that bypassed the encryption of all major cellular and internet service providers and received and decoded the signal like that of a paid-for connection;

- a program that simulated the code of actual money on the internet (no wait- it is the code of actual money on the internet) that pushed up a user's bank balance the same way some Uberstrike players managed to increase their fight money with that cheat code.

Well... The Author did stay within the bounds of reason and Deadpool was greeted with only 14 figures when he opened up his bank account.

He immediately fell on his knees.

"Thank you, God!" he cried- with actual visible tears...

Now you're exaggerating!

"Also-" the Author pointed out. "The job comes with unlimited ammo. That means unlimited bear traps, mines and grenades..."

Deadpool's eyes stretched wildly...

"a month's worth of chimichangas..."

Now tears were forming again...

Shut UUUUUUP!

"... and a surprise in your armoury."

After Deadpool rushed off to his armoury he came back with the most powerful gun to ever have been created in all of fiction.

"So-" he asked excitedly. "Does this one have unlimited ammo too or must I say 'IDKFA' out loud to reload it?"